Our unconscious minds control our lives most of the time. We may think we are acting rationally, but the unconscious determines what we choose and do. We often act before we think. The ‘free will” that the human animal thinks it possesses and differentiates it from other living beings is a myth.

I quote from John Gray’s “Straw Dogs”:

“We think our actions express our decisions. But in nearly all of our life, willing decides nothing. We cannot wake up or fall asleep, remember or forget our dreams, summon or banish our thoughts, by deciding to do so.

When we greet someone on the street we just act, and there is no actor standing behind what we do. Our acts are endpoints in long sequences of unconscious responses. They arise from a structure of habits and skills that is almost infinitely complicated. Most of our life is enacted without conscious awareness. Nor can it be made conscious. No degree of self-awareness can make us self-transparent.”

This seemingly misanthropic and cynical view is not meant to counter or trivialize the well-intentioned advice offered in this post. The point is it is an uphill task to overcome the dictates of the unconscious mind.