How Changing One Word Makes People Respond Differently When We Ask for Their Help
“If you want input, ask for advice.” (Jeff Haden, inc.com)
If we have a new idea, we would like to examine it through the lens of a third party’s perspective.
For example, if we like to start a new business or want a frank appraisal of our performance as a public speaker, we may ask others for help. We want actionable input to execute the idea or improve our performance.
We usually ask for people’s feedback or opinions.
What’s your opinion about my new venture?
How was my performance on stage?
We can also ask for people’s advice.
Can you examine my new project and advise me on what I should do?
Will you please advise me on how I can be a better public speaker?
People wear two different hats when they answer the above questions.
When we ask for feedback or an opinion, people wear the critic’s hat. They take a step back and evaluate our idea or performance.
The critics have no stake in our future. They look at what we’ve done, not what we could do in the future. They grade our idea or performance. We don’t receive suggestions to improve; we merely receive a scorecard.
People wearing the critic’s hat are not our partners; they are distant observers.
When we ask for people’s advice, their attitude changes from impersonal judge to friendly stakeholder or partner in our progress. They take a step forward toward us, in a collaborative mood.
People feel valued when we ask for their advice because we respect their knowledge, experience, and expertise.
They have a stake in our future. They provide actionable inputs. They may suggest questions we can ask ourselves before taking the entrepreneurial plunge. They may offer frank assessments of our strengths and weaknesses and propose remedial measures to correct perceived flaws.
Advising is a responsible task. People take this job seriously.
Harvard University researchers found asking for “advice” rather than “opinion” resulted in respondents offering more than a third more areas of improvement and more than half as many ways to improve.
Words carry emotional undertones. People respond differently to different words. When we ask for ‘feedback’, people may hold back, avoiding saying all they want to. On the other hand, they offer solid inputs if we ask for their ‘advice.’
If people ask for our feedback, we can choose to advise them if we value the relationship.
Thanks for reading!
