Embrace marriage and rebuild the family for a less violent and better society
I think family is key, and if you have love for family, then you have love for others — and you have unity as a people.” — Marlon Wayans
I write this as an admirer and well-wisher of America and not as a hater of America. My diagnosis of America’s divided society offers a non-American perspective and is motivated by an admiration for the American society and a hope that it will heal itself.
America is a paradox wrapped in a riddle. It is a technological and military superpower. Yet it is plagued by the legacies of racism, a deep ideological and political divide, and mindless violence like mass shootings that kill innocent people
Mindless violence is one of the ugly manifestations of a society divided by various conflicts. Gun violence perpetrated by lone wolf gunmen kill more Americans than any attack by terrorists. Suicide also is responsible for many unwanted and avoidable deaths.
Mental health of the killers becomes a hot topic for discussions after every such violent act. Why do these killers hate their targets so much? Could it be that they hate themselves so much that they want to vent their resentment on their imaginary enemies? Interestingly, most of the gun-wielding murderers have had relationship problems with their families. They were either living away from their families or were victims of broken families.
The family is a microcosm of the society. It is here that we all learn how to love and respect others. Families teach us the values of accommodation, compromise, tolerance and sacrifice.
A broken family is like a broken society. Its members have no love for one another. The interpersonal relationships in a broken family are marked by suspicion, mistrust and even hatred.
Marriage
Broken marriages lead to broken families. To rehabilitate the institution of the family, America needs to restore the sanctity of the marriage. Spouses who stick together are able to raise stable and happy families. People must develop a serious attitude towards marriage and treat it as a lifelong enterprise and not as a short-term flirtation.
A sizeable number of marriages end in a divorce. The children born in such families are deprived of affection, care and love of two parents. Single parent families can never provide the comfort and stability that a two-parent family does. Stepmothers and stepfathers can never be effective substitutes for the biological parents.
I am not advocating that unhappy marriages should be tolerated just to raise a family. Spouses must learn to respect each other and avoid petty quarrels from turning into a serious ground for discord. Divorce should never be the first resort when differences arise between spouses. The husband-wife relationship is one of the most intimate, beautiful partnerships than humans have ever conceived.
Marriage is not merely for pleasure and intimacy, it is also the institution that raises responsible citizens of the future. Reproduction may be crude word to describe the expansion of families with the birth of children. But that is what the family is primarily meant for. Childlessness should never be a choice to avoid parental responsibilities. I am not demonizing childless couples, but they don’t serve society in any way by not producing children. Parenting is also a learning and training process for becoming responsible citizens.
Empower women to make marriage attractive
“Women’s natural role is to be a pillar of the family.” — Grace Kelly
Most women delay or avoid marriage not because they don’t want to raise families. They prefer to be single because the system doesn’t help them to strike a work-life balance. Who will look after the kids when the mom goes to work? Babysitters are expensive.
Marry democracy with social welfare
America is a nation blinded by ideological beliefs that have seeped deep into the psyche. For instance, social welfare is taboo because it is equated with the expansion of the state. Social welfare is not antithetical to democracy and individual freedoms. The state is not a monster as it is supposed to be. After all, it is the state that maintains the police and the army without which individual freedoms cannot be enforced.
The Scandinavian model
The Scandinavian countries are democracies. They have no problem in providing social welfare that extends to free education, healthcare, maternity and paternity benefits. Americans must be prepared to pay higher taxes to fund social welfare.
Treat marriage seriously and raise happy families. Happy and stable families produce less violent and prosperous societies.
However, social welfare that enhances women’s freedom itself has the potential to undermine society. In many Western nations, sexual freedom has become a euphemism for sexual anarchy. The biological instinct cannot be allowed to run riot. It has to be tempered and channeled through the institution of marriage.
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